They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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