I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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