You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Randomize
