Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
