I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
