he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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