I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
