hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
