So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish you could order shots online.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
