i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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