How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
