yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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