If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
