There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
