I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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