i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
