you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
