i love accidental penises.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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