Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He did a backflip because drugs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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