some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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