I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
