last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
