Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
