I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
