the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
