You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
