dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
