you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
third nipple confirmed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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