I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
