is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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