I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
