her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
