My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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