I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
