Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
