i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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