grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
