i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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