ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
