I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
