he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
