90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
