Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
