I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Houston, we have a squirter
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
