Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
