new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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