Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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