my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
