Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
