ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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