I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
